shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
