I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
