I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
