mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
