please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I pour the whiskey from now on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
