Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
