Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Alive.
So much puke
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
