I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
