whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize