Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize