Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
