i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
