I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize