After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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