plz talk dirty to me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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