If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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