I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
