On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
