My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize