he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
