I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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