Buhtt sex?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize