the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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