I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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