you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
