Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
even my farts smell like vagina
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
