You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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