You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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