did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
