I must be too annoying 4 u.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
