and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
