3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
