No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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