after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
