Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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