The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
