I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
