I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
