I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
