dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
