I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
