My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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