She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
