My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
