fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
