420 ftw
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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