I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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