maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
