Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
