we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
