You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
