either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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