Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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