is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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