im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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