i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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