Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
