Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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