Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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