I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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