remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
