i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
