It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
