Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He felt like a one man threesome
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
