i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
