Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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